by Adele Leung
Some people say, we tend to fall in love with all the wrong people.
Actually, we love all the right people. Perhaps we are attracted to them for the wrong reasons…we love them not because they give us what we wish, but because of what they do not or cannot give us. (The word “love” here is used loosely as what society understands it to be, it is not LOVE in the truest or fullest sense.)
Through our closest partners it is easiest for us to see ourselves. Especially the places and patterns which are keeping us from becoming whole. Although most of the time, most of us do not wish to see them. When a relationship gets tough, we seem to only see the annoying traits of the other, without understanding that person is what we do not wish to see inside of ourselves. Through what the other person has shown us, we can choose to break the patterns we are habitual to. Although most of the time, we are also too comfortable to break out of our ruts. Or we are too scared to.
Relationships are not here to ruin us. They are our compassionate teachers. Within a relationship, with all its intensity or blandness, sweetness or agony, ultimately we begin to understand that all a relationship does is to bring us back within ourselves. Because none of the emotions is love. When we are grasping onto the emotions, we are only doing that, we have not LOVED. That is why when a relationship breaks down, many will return to themselves, and only then do they begin to self-love, because over and over again we choose similar situations to make us learn; and ultimately we have had enough.
In truth, we do love all the right people. Every person on the path is necessary for us at the most appropriate times in our lives. We enter a relationship in our own free will, as a mutual decision. Every relationship is a precious learning experience for both parties involved. Never can one party give all, or the other party take all. Neither can one party teach all, or the other party learn all. Whenever we are learning, we are at the same time also teaching. Yet most of us don’t want to see that either. No one is ever to blame in a relationship when things do not work out; because in actuality, nothing is ever not working out. We are learning exactly what we need to.
When we begin to return to ourselves, in self-love, clarity sets in. And there will always be a time when enough is enough. Sometimes this means farewell, other times it may be a deepening. Yet a true recognition of such, immerses us deep in gratitude. There is unending gratitude, rather than spite or bitterness, towards every single person we have opened our hearts to. And at that moment, we truly begin to LOVE.
In LOVE, there is no desire to grasp onto, there is nothing to grasp onto. There is no possession, no emotions, no blaming, no complaining, no expectations. There is no need to be physically connected nor any formality to recognize the relationship. All there is a unity that connects, and this unity is with all. In truth, we LOVE all, and it is impossible not to.
And when we finally understand LOVE, open your eyes and see how different everything is. When we are whole within ourselves, we may be surprised at how different attraction may seem to us.
photo: Andre Eichman