Exactly one year ago, when the Rabbit re-entered the Chinese calendar, my life completely turned around. That was the year when I had finally lost it. What I lost was the pride of my spirit.
It was a time of deep confusion and chaos, I felt the only navigation that has guided me throughout life, that which I believed to be love, had actually been a fake. I could not even begin to describe in words the intense feeling of betrayal and fear I was in. My life had been lived as an illusion up till now, and I was solely responsible for this mess.
The year leading up to the Rabbit, the incidents that lined up all allowed me to fall deeper into this abyss, until there was no more depth to fathom, I was swimming in the abuse and lovelessness I had allowed into my life and was simply choking in its toxicity. Throughout this year, spirit fought and fought, bouncing between the states of illusion and Love. This has not only caused great exhaustion, it has ushered me into a state of frozenness, I could not more forward, backward, left, right, up or down. I felt moving in any direction or degree, would put me in grave danger, spirit was truly mortified.
Yet, my heart knew I had to move. I needed to move and as there was no where to go externally, so I moved In, straight into my inner-heart. And a miracle happened.
In utter desolation, I had found the place which I had always known but had not lived. I had lost everything, but in-truth, those things had to be lost, I had to be lost, and especially the pride of the spirit had to be lost, for me to come face to face with my kingdom, which has always been there, right there within my heart.
I returned to Love.
This miracle is so subtle, it begged me to just be with it, without speaking, without doing, just being with it. For the entire year of the Rabbit, I was simply being with Love. I knew it in my heart, but I had yet to embody Love in livingness. Talking is one thing, walking one’s talk is completely another. If I walk my talk, every single breath inhaled is a moment to do so. And thus, the Rabbit dug up every hidden discrepancy burrowed, and made me look. Keeping it? Burying it back? Not a chance, sweetheart.
And thus, there was no fighting. What had to go, simply did. Without a whisper, without necessary explanations, without more. Any physical and emotional action that was lived in lovelessness, immediately affected and was literally released through the body. I came to a complete new honoring for this physical vehicle.
We are about to enter the Year of the Dragon, I am ready to take a break from the earthy burrowing of the rabbit and step on the dragon’s back, taking with me dirt and soil from every lesson and mistake in unawareness, and just ride from the depths of our hearts.
“Holding the dragon’s tail, he swings me half way in the air, closing my eyes I hung on with nothing but a brazen heart of trust. Thus so, I land, many fluffered, but not a hair less, hugging his heart.”*
Wishing all a fabulous ride of the Dragon.
*quote by me