Keep coming back to you

A tragedy happens in the world.

How would we feel?

Would we feel unaffected because the event is geographically very far from where we are, where life is still safe?  Would we feel concerned because that is a place we are familiar with, and have friends or family who reside there?  Would we feel particularly worried because we are where the tragedy is, and panic is running our senses?

How would we react?

Would we be calling forth with heavy emotion to “save” the people or this place?  Would we be pointing a finger to those who are “evil”?  Would we be pouring our emotions to the innocent?

Or…

Would we even in such tragic circumstances, be able to remember that this is a lesson, not a test, for us to come back to ourselves?  And it is by coming back to ourselves, that we will not be led away by emotions, which would add more destruction to what is already tragic.  It is also by coming back to ourselves, that we realize that there is no separation between humanity, whether we reside in the same geographical place or whether we are a part of the tragedy or not, for WE ARE ALL AFFECTED.  If we can hold the stillness within ourselves, this, would also affect everyone else, by not adding more panic into what is already terrifying.

On this day, let us especially remember, to keep coming back to who we truly are.

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Just a woman

What is a woman to do after feeling the intensity of unadulterated feelings of the cosmic heart in the physical reality? Pure feelings from the heart, untampered by emotions.

What is she to do when the physical reality shifts as hastily as which it has slowly nurtured with care?

What can a woman do when the love she has grown and given to herself, seem to disappear like quicksand sucking in anything that it has touched?

What is a woman to do when the feelings of divine love expressed, is no longer encouraged to express, yet they continue to flow through her pores, her smiles, her tears, her fingers, her whispers, softly, no longer certain?

What is she to do when these feelings are magnified immensely within her heart with the moon lulling, pushing, pulling, far and near; closest and farthest from the sun, and the expression implodes?

She is just a woman.

It is natural to feel and honor her feelings.  Her feelings run mad and become emotions.  And all she could do was to honor them too.

And then and only then, the woman discovers there is much to learn and the feeling of failure and rejection is not here to be against her.

She knows that realities can change both ways, if a possibility is opened; but she is disinterested in creating or manifesting if it is not of love anymore.

She remembers the deep love that flowed through her, on that one day, reciprocated and felt in the human existence, in full intensity of co-creation; so she knows, she has already experienced what she has come here to.  It does exist.

And she knows another experience, is in-truth, another reminder and continued livingness to discover that the only medicine for humanity is to be truly who we are, in every moment, within any reflection.

She is thankful that every step forward, has brought her closer to the truth of who she is.  Her pledge is to be true in each breath, breathing deeply in honesty, every fragility, every realization.

She is just a woman, who cannot but be love.

And even if she has to walk alone, she cannot but be she.

Celebration

I live because I am.
I smile because it is natural.
I am here for an impulse within to serve.
I walk across the mountains, carrying life’s burdens, wearing my good leather shoes or no shoes at all.
I dress up every day according to my heart, for that IS the purpose.
I paint my nails because my hands and feet express in colors.
I eat and drink not because of schedules, tastes or conditioning, but how my body feels this moment.
I sprint, I pause, I collapse, whenever it is truly called for.
I teach my eyes to see through the heart, so every moment I am with beauty.
I am the mother, the father, the friend, sometimes all at the same time to my child.
When I am lonely or sick, I humbly invite my soul to be with me again.
I say thank you when I wish to cry.
I celebrate all that I am.

The Real Me

From young I taught my child the real him is that which is, and everything else is that which is not.

The real him is when he is simply living his Essence, nothing but the open radiance that he is. He is openly loving, not in contraction in needing love. He is pure joy and no living being can argue that.

As a wee babe, he lives this state much more. With growing up, he has chosen to experience other states which are not the full truth of him. Just like everyone of us.

Consequently, there will be more time when he is lost in the emotions that run him—anger, especially, and if he continues to deny his overwhelming feelings, he will very frequently turn to numbing activities such as television and video games, in attempts to block out these feelings.

Only because of my own long and tedious journey and eventual choice to return, has allowed me the awareness to witness my child’s process. And honestly, never is this easy for a mother to face in truthfulness.

Some moments I will fall into the emotional trap too, other times in desperation I may revert to control, only because I have absorbed my son’s pain, which sometimes ignite my own and am looking desolately for a way out of it. Yet these never work in the true sense, as they do not bring either of us back to the harmony that we are.

I began testing other ways, for my boy, as well for myself. I allowed him his time and his outbreaks if necessary, but rather than taking the energy on, I worked on my own non-interference and non-absorbing skills. When I am more than not in my own inner-heart, the stillness remains even though my baby is in an outburst, and how immensely important it is for me to be that stillness, especially when he is not, for the both of us.

This morning, my child woke up after a deeply revitalizing sleep. He came to me in a strong hug and said, “I am the true me”.

I held him tight, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “This, is what I would like to honor you for, the whole and true you. Not your grades at school, not anything else, but this. Even if you only live this for a brief moment, because of my Love for you, I would like to remind you of this.”

What more do we live for in life, but for these moments of Soul-full connection, when one by one, we remember. With remembrance and honesty, then the choice becomes ours. And there is nothing more precious than meeting each other in our trueness.

I truly love you.

Choosing Love

I have been in a deep abyss recently.

And I realized the hurt I felt was not in-truth, because of any external actions felt or perceived. Rather, it is because I realized I have not fully claimed the deep Love that I wish for myself. And this fact, has hit me very hard. And the process of allowing myself the acceptance of this fact, as well as loving myself fully in acknowledging this fact, has been painful.

In seeing this in full rawness for myself, I also witnessed what is in-truth, my energy, reflected back to me through the experiences in the external reality. What we are, always happen as at least a double whammy. Therefore, the acuteness in feeling the connection with the entirety of humanity, brings me back towards my inner work.

Every moment, each breath of awareness inhaled, is affecting every single human being. How could I choose anything but Love?

Embraced in deep hurt and lovelessness for myself, I slowly began to unravel from stories and emotions and took a deep breath to step back into Love. I choose Love. I am still not in the fullness of myself yet, I know I could be many degrees lighter, but my intentions are strong.

The path of Love is one which we return to remember and embody the Love of the Soul in the physical. We may take lifetimes to do so. And after that we only come back so that others may also remember.

And with each losing of myself in the vast abysses, I am in gratitude that it has strengthened my heart and deepened my Love a little, indeed, I am so honored to be on this path.

LOVE

Some people say, we tend to fall in love with all the wrong people.

Actually, we love all the right people.  Perhaps we are attracted to them for the wrong reasons…we love them not because they give us what we wish, but because of what they do not or cannot give us.  (The word “love” here is used loosely as what society understands it to be, it is not LOVE in the truest or fullest sense.)

Through our closest partners it is easiest for us to see ourselves.  Especially the places and patterns which are keeping us from becoming whole.  Although most of the time, most of us do not wish to see them.  When a relationship gets tough, we seem to only see the annoying traits of the other, without understanding that person is what we do not wish to see inside of ourselves.  Through what the other person has shown us, we can choose to break the patterns we are habitual to.  Although most of the time, we are also too comfortable to break out of our ruts.  Or we are too scared to.

Relationships are not here to ruin us.  They are our compassionate teachers.  Within a relationship, with all its intensity or blandness, sweetness or agony, ultimately we begin to understand that all a relationship does is to bring us back within ourselves.  Because none of the emotions is love.  When we are grasping onto the emotions, we are only doing that, we have not LOVED.  That is why when a relationship breaks down, many will return to themselves, and only then do they begin to self-love, because over and over again we choose similar situations to make us learn; and ultimately we have had enough.

In truth, we do love all the right people.  Every person on the path is necessary for us at the most appropriate times in our lives.  We enter a relationship in our own free will, as a mutual decision.  Every relationship is a precious learning experience for both parties involved.  Never can one party give all, or the other party take all.  Neither can one party teach all, or the other party learn all.  Whenever we are learning, we are at the same time also teaching.  Yet most of us don’t want to see that either.  No one is ever to blame in a relationship when things do not work out; because in actuality, nothing is ever not working out.  We are learning exactly what we need to.

When we begin to return to ourselves, in self-love, clarity sets in.  And there will always be a time when enough is enough.  Sometimes this means farewell, other times it may be a deepening.  Yet a true recognition of such,  immerses us deep in gratitude.  There is unending gratitude, rather than spite or bitterness, towards every single person we have opened our hearts to.  And at that moment, we truly begin to LOVE.

In LOVE, there is no desire to grasp onto, there is nothing to grasp onto.  There is no possession, no emotions, no blaming, no complaining, no expectations.  There is no need to be physically connected nor any formality to recognize the relationship.  All there is a unity that connects, and this unity is with all.  In truth, we LOVE all, and it is impossible not to.

And when we finally understand LOVE, open your eyes and see how different everything is.  When we are whole within ourselves, we may be surprised at how different attraction may seem to us.

photo: Andre Eichman