Truly truth

If the word “truth” generates discomfort or ignites an emotion within ourselves, could it be that this emotion is something we have to first address?  Like the word “love”, or  “religion”, the word “truth” brings forth a lot of unresolved emotions.  Could it be, we have been actually taught what this word does not actually define?

In this life, intellectualism is not my interest.  I am not passionate about the what or how, what we learn in books, what appears in the news or magazines.

I don’t have a scientific answer to why those things don’t interest me other than, I know there is somewhere within me that knows what is truly important.  Although I cannot prove any of these things, and it is not my role to do so, it does not therefore mean I do not know what is true or not.

Therefore, to most of the world, I cannot explain many things that I have felt, and because of this, I have bought into the belief that I am inadequate, not worthy to be heard, and wanted to give up and just remain mute.

Yet, for me, truth has always felt very close to home.

What truth means in the temporal world, is largely, what has been accepted as the norm.  But what is the norm?  How did the norm come about?  If enough people believe and accept something, it becomes normal and hence, true, correct?  But is that truly truth?

What if, the majority of the world has chosen to believe in something that is comfortable and convenient?

Then, is the truth we think we know, truly truth?

No, I cannot prove truth.  Yet like love, I know truth actually cannot divide and separate, because whether we believe in it or not, we can all feel truth. What divides is when we grasp onto my truth being true and your truth being untrue.

And the most awesome thing is, truth can only be, it does not judge what you believe in or not, it does not wish to prove you right or wrong, it does not need followers or supporters, it just is and will be.

 

 

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Let life be our art

A child can see and hear multitudinous more than a grown up, sometimes.  For we are all born with eyes and ears, nose, limbs and tongue, inside our hearts.

As a child I can feel so much going on, is not it.  It is not truth.  Simply because it does not feel right within my heart.  Yet, as a child, having such natural feelings can overwhelm, not so much because of feeling them, but more so how to communicate these feelings to a world, and be understood, when the world does not communicate in this way.  From very young, I have made up my mind, that no one would understand.

Yet, feeling I continued.

Growing up, my ears could hear so much more than what was spoken, all the honesty unexpressed, but niceties wrapped up in sugar and honey was how we communicated.  So I stopped speaking.  Because I do not know how to not speak truth–the truth of the reality that moment, and the truth which is absolute in my heart.

For many years I felt distraught, but never did I give up on the truth that my heart knows, although sometimes I chose to not heed it.  Not knowing how to otherwise, I began exploring this in art, (without studying it–my degree is in chinese studies) where possibilities are endless.  Art is an arena where beyond that of “reality” can be expressed freely, although, I was actually only wishing to express the reality that most have forgotten to be true.

I began taking pictures, from a second hand automatic camera.  I wrote and wrote and wrote to allow all the conflicts that I felt but have not expressed throughout the years to flow.  No coincidence that I got myself a job with no experience in photography or journalism, in a magazine publication.

I did not want to “create”.  I am not interested in making up something that I feel may be better.  I know there is a better.  And this better simply begins with being loving to every single being. I only wanted to express this in all ways possible with this vehicle.

And thus, life, has become my art and my medicine.

Speak with Love

Before we open our mouths to express love, what comes forth is already in the heart, when it is called for, our lips and tongue move so love takes shape and form in words and sounds in expression.

Love in expression does not always mean sweetness, and it never is the kind of sweetness that attaches like silly putty and does not come off.  But love in expression is always gentle and non-imposing.  Never is love something that is spoken in judgement.  Simply, expression in love is just stating what it truly is.

Sometimes love is a consistent firmness, not in resistance, but repetitively conveying in livingness of who we are, with words and beyond that of words.  We may have to repeatedly express, what is simple, perhaps sometimes too simple, for the mind to comprehend.

Recently, speaking with love is my learning, with family, with co-workers, with strangers.  Not shying from what wishes to truthfully express from the heart, is my first commitment in speaking with love.  Love speaks, not what society wishes to be pandered to, but how it truly is.

And it is amazing, how when love is spoken, it is unlike how poetry portrays it to be throughout the ages, that hearts are swooned and the senses are mesmerized; rather, to many, love sometimes stuns, and it becomes our choice to either feel in depth with self-honesty, or distract from it through a myriad of ways.

Love, though, is very patient.

The Sun

I accept my light in full.

The layers, the masks, slowly and gently falling away

Numerous and so well disguised

To be me.

The self-created me is there to hide the true me

When it cannot be hidden

How can light be hidden?

It can only be snubbed and snubbed again until

We think we have forgotten.

But how can the sun be perpetually veiled?

Sooner or later, through the thickest clouds and the foggiest grays

The sun, not through force, but with the most natural power–

Its light, shines through.

And this sun

Is forever within me and you.

The heart

Any heart is like your baby.

Hearts are to be nurtured, honored, simply because they are the place where all magic is shared and lived.  A heart is sacredness magnified . We do not simply pay attention to a heart when there is desire or magnetizing attraction, any heart deserves to be respected.  Being careless with one heart, we open our hearts to be careless by another; sometimes we go through lifetime after lifetime as such, until the gift of the heart is forgotten.  We have forgotten what it is to Love.

Any baby is to be cherished.

Babies are born innocent, they are portals into purity, and so is an unadulterated heart.  There is only truth in the heart.  The language of the heart is openness, transparency and honesty, spoken in the unity of harmony and joy, that which is Love.  The heart is our remembrance into the unity that we began as, and she has to be lived for the remembrance to be activated.

When we honor fully the truth of the heart, the body will age well and grace will be in our every breath.

Those in remembrance of the heart, live solely for the remembrance of others.

Please, be true and gentle with all hearts.  They are all the babies of our future.

The Real Me

From young I taught my child the real him is that which is, and everything else is that which is not.

The real him is when he is simply living his Essence, nothing but the open radiance that he is. He is openly loving, not in contraction in needing love. He is pure joy and no living being can argue that.

As a wee babe, he lives this state much more. With growing up, he has chosen to experience other states which are not the full truth of him. Just like everyone of us.

Consequently, there will be more time when he is lost in the emotions that run him—anger, especially, and if he continues to deny his overwhelming feelings, he will very frequently turn to numbing activities such as television and video games, in attempts to block out these feelings.

Only because of my own long and tedious journey and eventual choice to return, has allowed me the awareness to witness my child’s process. And honestly, never is this easy for a mother to face in truthfulness.

Some moments I will fall into the emotional trap too, other times in desperation I may revert to control, only because I have absorbed my son’s pain, which sometimes ignite my own and am looking desolately for a way out of it. Yet these never work in the true sense, as they do not bring either of us back to the harmony that we are.

I began testing other ways, for my boy, as well for myself. I allowed him his time and his outbreaks if necessary, but rather than taking the energy on, I worked on my own non-interference and non-absorbing skills. When I am more than not in my own inner-heart, the stillness remains even though my baby is in an outburst, and how immensely important it is for me to be that stillness, especially when he is not, for the both of us.

This morning, my child woke up after a deeply revitalizing sleep. He came to me in a strong hug and said, “I am the true me”.

I held him tight, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “This, is what I would like to honor you for, the whole and true you. Not your grades at school, not anything else, but this. Even if you only live this for a brief moment, because of my Love for you, I would like to remind you of this.”

What more do we live for in life, but for these moments of Soul-full connection, when one by one, we remember. With remembrance and honesty, then the choice becomes ours. And there is nothing more precious than meeting each other in our trueness.

I truly love you.

Loving Freely

Man: I love you because I send you flowers.

Woman: I love you because I take care of the domestic responsibilities.

Man: I love you because I bring in the dough.

Woman: I love you because I pander to your wishes.

Man: I love you because I shoulder your baggage.

Woman: I love you because I worry about you.

Man: I love you because…

Woman: I love you because…

Is loving based on beliefs and ideals really Love?

Can Love be defined within certain limitations, and only within those confinements?

Our heart knows so much more about Love than our minds. Loving with our minds can easily create judgement, and within Love, how could there be judgement? I have loved within beliefs and have been loved also within strong ideals, neither way was truly Love. Loving with the mind, we are capable to hurt and be hurt. Loving with the fullness of the heart, we see Love in everyone and everything, it is impossible to hurt. To truly Love freely, is simply to Love always with the guidance from the heart. As in every living moment, the heart knows much more than the mind could ever imagine, because it could not.

Love is really very simple.

Grace

Have we ever wondered what is true healing or true change?

And why we have kept improving on ourselves and the process does not end?

In-truth, we are repeating over and over again ourselves, life time over life time.

What we are missing is a true difference.

 

The difference is the consciousness.

The consciousness in choosing to align to a different energy this time.

There are only two energies in existence, fire and prana.

And prana is what separates humanity and is that which most have aligned to.

Prana is what the human spirit exalts. The spirit is a fragment of God, and has chosen to not express God but itself. Therefore it has the essence of God, but it is separate from God, which is Soul.

 

How many of us have been taught or made known the difference between Soul and spirit?

How many teachers actually know the difference themselves?

Prana, takes us away from the inner-most.

It teaches us to look outside of ourselves for the change.

It has made glamor, maya and illusion look like they are almost natural in life.

We look for the leader, the guru, the spiritual practice, the diet, the miracle foods, the lifestyle, the healing modality, the alternative medicine, the workout, the skincare, the fashion, the luxury, we seek everything in the external, with the hope that they might save or improve us, but that which is within us.

 

That which is within us, is fire.

It is the breath of our inner-hearts.

Fire is the reminder that we as Souls began as unity.

This is the yearning that more and more of us know and remember, it has become unbearable to not return to unity anymore.

Within our inner-hearts, there is only truth.

 

There will be many who will imitate this truth.

They will come very close and echo many similarities to the truth.

But in-truth are still breathed by prana.

We are equal in Soul with these brothers and sisters.

The only difference is a choice of what energy we align with.

 

We could only understand livingness if we become livingness.

Just as we could only understand unity if we cease to align with separation.

Without first acknowledging that it is our own spirit which has caused us separation and that we are indeed empty, there could not be real change.

It is the pride of spirit, which prevents us from experiencing the real difference.

And spirit will not go gently into the goodnight, it will try everything to prevent us from seeing that IT is the cause of separation.

 

But love will bring us home.

In the stillness of the heart, we will feel her impulses, we will begin to feel truth.

The love of oneself is the listening of every murmur in our inner-hearts, and walking with it.

Do not be fooled by glamor, self-love has nothing to do with rewarding ourselves with more that comes from the outside.

Do not be fooled by maya, living by the reactions of emotions is not love.

Do not be fooled by illusion, believing we are somehow unequal to others is first a separation of oneself within, and not love.

 

Love is the stillness within.

There is no emotion in love.

Love is not anything we think it is or have been taught that it is.

It is never too late to discover the true face of love.

For love will bring us home to our inner-hearts.

Where we will meet grace.

 

 

 

 

 

7 days and nights

7 days and nights have felt like 7 years.

Where am I to begin?

We are destined for divine perfection when the mind steps away, so a true releasing happens when it is least expected. The mind knows something has to be completed, only it does not know how and when. But the heart does.

In 7 days and nights, I have been starring in a 24/7 non-stop movie featuring life, death, fear, letting go and rebirth. Yet what has physically and esoterically happened in 7 days, in actuality has been initiated 7 years ago.

The grandness of what is to come, is utterly unfathomable at this moment, but it could be felt within my heart. So many doors have been knocked upon and opened in the last few months, the immensity that could happen is pure grandiosity both on a heart and collective level. This moment, I am bathed in deep gratitude, so deep that I almost have no wish to emerge.

7 years ago, I made a choice, to live.

I timidly opened the door to femaleness, because the yearning to be in expression of it, and the previous resistance to living it, has brought me to a place where the only choices were starkly clear: life or death. The Universe has brought me to this door after the birth of my son. And in my emaciated body and grieving spirit, I crawled in. I was drowning in my own fear, to be who I am. I have tried and tried to run away and to be someone else, but I was dying rejecting my soul and divinity. I lived. But every day I was reminded of this decision I made, as the left side of the body still feels imprisoned, to first be in the livingness of femaleness. I have to free myself to my femaleness. This, will be my grace as well as my strength. This, will also be my ultimate service.

7 days ago, I re-lived the fear of death for being who I am, in service.

I was fully who I am. I was living all the naturalness of full expression, fertility, strength and gentleness, deep connection with the earth, her medicines, her animals, her spirits. I was in all the most harmonizing elements. And because of who I am, I was harmed, attacked, misunderstood and my life was in danger. The fear was not of death, the fear was of being who I am, and rejected to an extent of eradication. And in desperation, I was not only in fear, I was alone. I could not access my tribe, I was alone.

Each day I lived with this memory and the fear that arose with it. My mind conjured up all the possibilities that I could get out of this. Fear immobilized all that I am. And the forces to beat me down came invading in all four directions. I cried for help. I only wished to serve. I am breathing because of the impulse in my heart to serve. And it is this impulse the forces do not wish to have in existence. Because all who constantly abide within the inner-heart and its impulses, cannot be under the control of the forces.

The forces sent its agents to greet me. Familiar faces who are unconscious of what energies are running through them and directing their work, they have come to discourage me even further. I was utterly grieved. For the unconsciousness of these hearts and for the effect of their work on humanity. I was in desperate panic. Again, I cried for help.

But before any help came, I would have to learn, my help is within. Being in the stillness within is the greatest compassion and solution to all pervading madness and darkness. Once I reached this place again, I witnessed the dissolution of fear. And at the same time, external help from the tribe began pouring in, each one at the most opportune moment. Each has brought tears to my eyes. I know I have chosen such an experience, to be temporarily far from my tribe, for a reason. And I wish to master what I have chosen to learn.

What is a re-construction within my internal landscape has synchronized with the revamping of the external environment with the visit of typhoon Nesat. What was witnessed in the morning post Nesat while my son and I were walking our daily route to school when passing the beach, was a expansion of what was previously confined.  The sand bled into new territories, evolving the landscape. Although the workers very quickly put everything back to how it was, we witnessed what is the possibility.  This change in reality, albeit temporary,  has brought much excitement to both my son and I. We were ready to welcome the change.

With the assistance of one soul from the tribe, I completed the letting go of what is imprisoning my livingness in femaleness yesterday. Through esoteric bodywork, he has helped to free the fear I have locked in my body in protection of what was experienced in the past.

And today, I walk a free woman.

Ready to honor once again, my heart, my voice, and choice to live as no one but myself, with each step in service. I am not perfect and I don’t wish to be, as each mistake that accompanies my journey will allow me to grow more. I pledge for continued awareness in this and subsequent journeys, and be natural in who I be, honoring, accepting and opening to all that I am. I walk this life and subsequent lives in honesty and truth, without regret, shame or guilt. And I shall return, for nothing more than the impulse to serve. As this is who I am.

I am free to open my arms as wide as could be. I am free to embrace all, all that brings joy and all that brings pain. I am free to open my heart to its fullest in love. I am free to sing, to dance, to shout the loudest my lungs could support, I am free to whisper truth in silence.

I am free.